


Through the Fire

by Captain_of_Misery



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Cheating Louis, Drugs, M/M, Overdose, Suicide Attempt, drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 15:59:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15799842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_of_Misery/pseuds/Captain_of_Misery
Summary: Harry catches Louis in the act of cheating on him with Eleanor and he attempts suicide as a solution. When he is unsuccessful, he has a choice to make. Can he reconcile his marriage or is it the end of Larry Stylinson and the end of One Direction?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not just one chapter — To be continued

 

Harry’s POV

 

“No, Niall, I just got back home. I haven’t seen my husband in person in at least a month. We can all hang out tomorrow.” I snorted, unlocking the door.

“Fine, fine, but I miss you too.”

“I know, but it’s different. We’re married. We...” I stopped in the living room at what appeared to be the beginning of a clothes trail.

“You what?” Niall asked.

“Sorry. Sorry. I got distracted. Louis left clothes everywhere.”

“You’re a neat freak. Of course that distracted you.”

“Well, it’s like a trail. I just-” I cut myself off when I heard noise upstairs. “What the fuck is he doing?”

“Should I go?”

“No, I’m just gonna check on him real quick. Stay tuned. Lottie might be here. I think some of this is girls’ clothing.”

“Like Louis doesn’t wear women’s jeans for that ass.”

I snorted and picked up clothes as I went. I stopped at Louis’ shirt. “Why does his shirt smell weird?”

“Weird how?”

“Like perfume,”

“He probably wore it for a stunt.”

“Yeah, right, I forget sometimes.” I went up the stairs and stopped in the hall. “Oh God. Oh no.” I picked up a pair of topman boxers and Victoria’s secret knickers.

“What’s wrong?”

“I found women’s underwear.”

“I didn’t need to know you guys were into that.”

“We’re not. Neither of us are. We’ve had the conversation.”

“Why would there be...”

“Oh, fuck, yes!” Louis groaned.

My heart stopped when I heard a female voice.

“Niall, I need to call you back.” I hung up and shoved my phone into my pocket. “Please, please, please let him be watching porn.” I whispered, pushing the door to our room open.

Eleanor saw me before Louis did, freezing in her spot on my husband’s dick. “Oh God,”

“Yeah, fuck, El, I know.”

“What the actual fuck?!” I hissed, tears already rolling down my face.

Louis’ eyes flew open and he sat up quickly, almost knocking Eleanor to the floor. “Oh my God. Haz, you weren’t supposed to get back for another day.”

“Oh, you’re right. I am early. Please, finish!” I yelled, running out of the room and downstairs. I called a cab, grabbed my bags and went to the first hotel I could think of.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I dug it out to see ‘Boobear <3’ pop up. I turned my phone off and put my sunglasses on before getting out of the cab. I tossed cash to the driver and went inside.

I sat on the edge of the bed for God knows how long before I moved. I stood up and went to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face. I sat in the corner of the bathroom with my head in my hands, crying for a while.

A banging on my door made me freeze.

“Harry! It’s me. Let me in,” Niall called. “It’s just me.”

I flopped down onto the mattress, throwing an arm over my face.

“Harry, come on. I know you’re here. I know your aliases by heart. Let me in. Let me help you.”

“There is no helping me,” I mumbled, getting up and sifting through the minibar, wiping my face.

“Come on, Harry. I’ll call whatever or whoever you want. Stripper, hooker, hit man, Gemma. Just talk to me.”

I opened the door. “Do you have the number for the dealer? The one Zayn and Louis are always using?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I wanna get high so I don’t have to think about anything, okay? I wanna be alone and I wanna get high.”

“I’ll text it to you. You sure you want to be alone?”

“I’ve been with Louis since I was sixteen and I had to see Eleanor riding him. Yeah, I’m fucking sure.”

He frowned, surging forward to hug me. “I love you, Hazza. And I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll kill him.”

“No, you won’t. He’s your friend.”

“And you’re my best friend.”

“Yeah? So? Louis and I have been married for years. Nothing means anything anymore. Not our marriage. Not our relationship. Not these bloody fucking tattoos. Nothing.”

“I don’t think I should leave you like this Harry. It looks like you haven’t stopped crying. I should stay.”

“Too fucking bad.” I slammed the door and locked it, sitting on the floor and turning my phone back on.

I had to put Louis on Do Not Disturb so I could even use my phone. I texted the number Niall had given me.

‘I heard you can get things for people who need you to be discrete.’

‘Creepy, mate. But yeah. How’d you get this number?’

‘Zayn Malik’

‘What is it you’re after?’

‘Cocaine. A good bit of it.’

‘Heavy stuff. You sure?’

‘Name your price.’

‘For how much?’

‘Enough for me to get through this next week.’

I pulled out my travel cash and grabbed the money I’d need, setting the rest aside. I texted him my room number and waited.

When he knocked on the door, I let him in immediately. “Didn’t expect you, honestly. The small one or the Irish one. But not you. Aren’t you the health nut?”

“Look, I’ve had a rough go lately. Do you have it or not?”

He held up the drugs. “You’re crying. You alright, mate?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions. Let’s just do this.”

“You got-”

I held out the cash. “And extra because I’m glad you didn’t say no.”

“Alright, mate.” He handed me the baggie. “Just don’t go mixing it with liquor. That’ll probably kill you.”

Maybe that’s what I should do. Clean things up.

I shut and locked the door after he left. I put all the bottles from the minibar on the desk next to my lines.

My phone buzzed and I answered it without looking.

“What.”

“Haz, love, fucking finally. Where are you? Let’s talk.”

“Louis, there’s nothing to fucking talk about.”

“Babe, I made a little mistake. Don’t toss out our marriage because you’re upset.”

Little?! “Oh because I’m the one who ruined things? By storming out? Really? Because I’ve never cheated on you.”

“That’s not what I meant. You’re being dramatic.”

“Fuck you,” I snapped.

“Look, it was a stupid mistake, having an affair with her. It just kind of happened.”

I put my head in my hands. “An affair? So this wasn’t the first time then.”

“Shit, well, no, but-”

“You know what? Don’t fucking worry about it. I’ll be out of your hair soon. But you should know that you’ve ruined my life. I’ve never loved anyone else. I’ve never been touched by anyone else. I’ve never slept with anyone else. I’ve got ink all over my skin declaring my love for you. I spent the past two months elbow deep in Modest bullshit to get us out of the fucking closet, doing whatever I could for us.”

“Don’t file for divorce.”

“Don’t tell me what to do after you fucking put your dick in someone else.”

“I won’t give you a divorce, Haz. I’ll fight for this. I’ll fight for us.”

“Yeah, well I’m done. I’m done fighting.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I don’t want to do this anymore. You were supposed to be the one thing I could always count on. Now I’m the closeted idiot pop star who got cheated on by his husband. What an obituary.”

“Harry?! What the fuck does THAT mean?! What are you doing?! Harry?! Where are you?!”

“Go to hell, Louis. Maybe I’ll even seen you there.”

“H, come on. Tell me where you are. We can fix this. I love you. I screwed up. Don’t do something that can’t be undone because I’m stupid. Please.”

I clenched my eyes shut.

“Lou, what’s he saying?” Eleanor asked.

“Is she there still?!” I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Um, yeah, but-”

“But what?! I’ve been gone for three hours. You don’t want to fix our marriage. You just don’t want the guilt that comes with me falling apart like this. I hope it was fucking worth it.”

“Harry, we’ve been together for seven years. I made one little mistake.”

“How long?”

“H, let’s talk in person and I’ll tell you whatever you want.”

“No, you answer me. You owe me this.”

“A year, roughly.”

I choked on a sob.

“Harry, please, tell me where you are. Let me come there and we’ll talk. I’ll tell you everything. We’ll get into counseling. Come on, love, let me fix this.”

“There’s nothing left you to fix.”

“At least let me talk to you in person before you filing for divorce.”

“I’m not filing for divorce.”

He exhaled heavily. “H, babe, that’s great. Tell me where you are.”

“I’m not filing for divorce because I’d still see you every day. I’d still have to look at you and think about what I saw. What you did. I’d have to cover or remove more than half my tattoos. There’s no point in getting a divorce.” I did a line and chugged a bottle from the minibar. “It would be messy and it would be disastrous. I’d be miserable. It would break up the band and everything.” I did another line and chugged another bottle. “Tell me how it’s fair that I’ve loved you so much and you threw away our marriage like it was bad take away.”

“I didn’t throw it out, Harry. We can fix this. It’ll take time, but-”

“I don’t have time to fix it.” I did two lines and chugged two bottles.

“What does that mean? Why are you sniffling like that?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“You’re my husband and-”

“You don’t get to pull that card.” I did the rest of the lines and heard it click for him.

“Harry. Are you doing drugs?!”

“Maybe,” I chugged the final bottles and tossed them to the floor.

“Harry, please be careful. Are you being safe? How much and what have you had?”

“Enough. Goodbye, Louis. You were the love of my life. I really, really hope she was worth it.”

“Harry, Harry, no!”

I hung up and started to feel numb all over. I exhaled heavily. Mmmm. I spread out on the floor, facedown.

No more closets. No more stunts. No more cheating husbands. No more hurt. No more hiding. No more sad. No more feeling. No more nothing. Just sleep. And peace. And calm. I like sleep and peace and calm.

 

~~~

Louis’ POV

 

I called all the boys. Niall was the only one who didn’t answer. He has to know. Fuck. “Niall, I think Harry’s gonna do something stupid. I need to know where he is.” I hung up and called his mum, then Gemma.

How is it the one time I need to find him, no one knows where the fuck he is.

And then I got a call from a weird number.

“Hello?”

“Is this Louis Tomlinson?”

“Uh, yeah, who’s this?”

“I’m on the hospital staff. You’re listed as Harry Styles’ emergency contact.”

I dropped everything in my hands. “Oh my God. Is he...what happened?”

“You should come to the hospital. This is something you’ll want to hear in person.”

I grabbed my keys and ran, breaking about seven traffic laws to get there. I ran in the door and immediately stormed up to the front desk. “Where is he? Where’s Harry?! Where the fuck is he?!”

A doctor cleared his throat. “Mr. Tomlinson, come with me. I’m sure you want this private.”

“He’s fine, right? He’s gonna be fine? Someone fucking tell me what’s happening to my fucking husband!”

“He overdosed, Mr. Tomlinson. Cocaine and various liquors, it seems. Hotel staff found him,”

“Found him alive, right?”

“Barely, but yes. He’s coded twice and had a few seizures. He’s fighting,”

“That’s good. That he’s alive and fighting.”

“No, he’s fighting us. He’s fighting the treatments. He doesn’t want to live. This was clearly a suicide attempt.” He led me to a door.

The words ‘I really, really hope she was worth it’ rang through my head.

“Oh God. No, he isn’t going to die. He’s fine. He’s gonna be fine.”

“If he wakes up, we-”

“When. When he wakes up.”

The doctor’s voice got softer. “If he wakes up, we’ll have to keep him in the psych ward for a few days.”

I stepped into the room and took a shaky breath. “H,” I pulled a chair up as close to the bed as I could.

“We’ve called his parents. They’ll be here probably tomorrow.”

“Okay. Well, I’m not leaving. And you can’t make me leave either. You try to make me leave and I will sue this entire fucking hospital. I’ve got the lawyers for it.”

He gave me a small smile. “No one is going to make you leave.”

I tangled my fingers with his, our tattoos lining up. “Haz, what have I done?” I whispered.

I fell asleep at some point, but I woke up before Anne and Robin got there.

“Louis, you should go. Get some rest. Talk to the boys.” Anne rubbed my back.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“People know you’re here. It’s been on the rags.”

“I don’t care. I’m not leaving. I don’t care. Modest can take me for every penny I’ve got. I don’t care. I’m not leaving.”

“Louis, you need rest.”

“I’m staying here.”

 

~~~

 

I stirred awake when Harry started yanking my arm. I looked up and we locked eyes. “Harry,”

“Get the fuck out.” He snapped, trying to rip away from me.

“No, H. I’m not leaving.” I held his hand tighter.

“Louis, get out. Get out!”

Anne ran into the room. “Baby, hi,”

“Mum, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? What is he doing here?”

“You tried to overdose, love.” I whispered. “You’re in the hospital. They called us. Hotel staff found you.”

“Why are you here? You shouldn’t be here.” He snapped.

“I’m not leaving.” I hissed.

“I don’t want you here. Management doesn’t want you here. You need to leave.”

“Harry, love,” Anne frowned. “He’s been here the whole time.”

“He needs to leave. Stop touching me. Stop it.”

“Harry,” Anne scolded.

“No, Mum. I don’t want him here. He shouldn’t be here.”

“He’s your husband. He has a right to be here.”

“Not anymore he doesn’t.”

“Harry,” She raised an eyebrow. “Relax, love,”

“You know what? Everyone get out. Out. Get out.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He successfully pulled his hand out of mine and picked up the vause from the table, throwing it at the wall. “Everyone get out. All of you.”

The nurse came in, kicking us all out of the room.

I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?!”

I opened my eyes to see Gemma standing in front of me. “Uh, we’re married. I’m here for my husband.”

She slapped me. “You have no right to be here. How could you do this to him?!”

“Gemma-”

“It’s all over the Internet. Everyone has seen it.”

“How did-”

“You make a sex tape and it gets leaked, Louis. You were stupid enough to make one and now its trending worldwide.”

“Sex tape?! Harry and I don’t-”

“You and Eleanor do.”

“They what? More stunts? Now? Modest can give him a few days off.” Anne frowned.

“Mum, you really don’t know?!”

“Know what?!”

“Louis slept with Eleanor and now their sex tape is everywhere.”

“There is no tape.”

“Really? Because it’s everywhere. And she’s doing an interview about it. Even better, it’s time stamped. Remember when you said Modest wouldn’t let you go to Harry’s birthday?”

I blinked a few times. Oh fuck.

“I think it’s time for you to go, Louis.” Anne said quietly.

“It didn’t get released until this morning. Harry hasn’t found out yet. Does he know? Did you tell him?”

“He came home early and-”

“And you got caught.”

“It was a stupid mistake and-”

“And you’re leaving.” Gemma cut in again. “Enough is enough.”

“Louis, come on. Come with me.”

I looked up to see Eleanor. “You have no right to be here.”

“I came to fetch my boyfriend. Management wants to see us.”

“Go by yourself. Tell them I’m done. I don’t want to see you again.”

“Too bad. Because I’ve got other things I can leak besides that tape, Louis. So come with me.”

“Go. You don’t belong here anyway. If you try to stay, I’ll call security.” Gemma disappeared into Harry’s room followed by Anne and Robin.

“Louis, now.” Eleanor demanded.

I frowned, following her out the door.

Cameras were everywhere and people shouted questions at us. About Harry. About the tape. About everything.

I shoved my way through, getting to the car.

When we got to the meeting, Liam, Zayn, and Niall were there too.

“Where’s Harry?” Liam asked, looking at me. “He shouldn’t be alone. He’s got to be devastated.”

“Harry tried to overdose and is in the hospital.” Simon answered. “Louis, what in God’s name have you done? It’s not enough to start a scandal, but to do that to Harry?”

“Shut up. Don’t talk to me about Harry. This is your fault. All the stunts and the closeting. If we had been free, we could’ve been together and-”

“You don’t get to blame Simon for not being able to keep it in your pants.” Niall snapped, slamming his hand on the table. “You made the decision.”

“I didn’t want to hurt him. It just happened.”

“Yeah, and recording a sex tape on his birthday?”

“I didn’t know that there was a recording and Eleanor leaked it!” I argued.

“Damn right, and I have more to leak.”

“Maybe if you didn’t sleep with her in the first place,” Liam snapped.

“I can’t go back and undo this! Don’t you think I would if I could?!”

“Enough,” Simon yelled. “We need to figure out where to go from here.”

“She needs to go.” I hissed. “I need to fix my marriage.”

“Okay, well, I’m not going away easily.” Eleanor crossed her arms. “I worked too hard for this.”

“Shut up, Eleanor. Sit down,” Simon sighed. “Here’s what we’ll do. First, we’ll announce hiatus. There’s no need to make Harry tour and work in his condition.”

“Okay, then what?”

“No, not you. You don’t decide. Harry will decide.”

“Harry is recuperating. He doesn’t need to be bothered.” I crossed my arms.

“Yeah, but I don’t trust you know know what he wants. Not anymore. You did this to him.”

“Not on purpose.”

“Well, here’s the bottom line. You have a choice to make. Either-”

“I choose him. I choose Harry. I choose my husband.”

“And if he doesn’t choose you?”

“He’ll choose me.”

“Really? Because he chose suicide.”

“That’s not fair.”

“You sleeping with someone else wasn’t fair either.”

 

~~~

Harry’s POV

 

“So I can choose my marriage or I can choose divorce.”

“Yes,” Simon nodded.

“And then what?”

“And then it depends. If you choose to stay with Louis, then you can choose to either go public with this and come out or you can continue as you are.”

“Come out? And what, publically deal with the fact that he cheated on me?”

“Yes,”

“Why is that even an option?”

“Because you’ve had enough. You’ve been through quite enough. It’s time, if you still want it.”

“And if I don’t? Pick Louis?”

“He’s made his decision and from there it’s up to him.”

“What was his decision?”

“He chose you. Regardless of what you choose. He chose you. He wants Eleanor gone for good.”

“Can I think? For a bit?”

“Yeah, but we have to move fast on this. Okay? I can give you a day, maybe two.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“I never wanted this for you. Not this,”

“I know,”

He left the room and I picked at the sheets.

Gemma came back in, leaning in the doorway. “What are you going to do?”

“Suffer, apparently I am meant to suffer.” I sighed, looking at her.

She sat on the bed with me. “Harry,”

“What? Gemma, don’t look at me like that. I’ve only ever loved one person. Don’t look at me like this is simple.”

“He cheated on you.”

“And I’m the pathetic one who would rather die than file for divorce. Yeah, thanks for the reminder.”

“You’re not going to leave him, are you?”

“I don’t know.” I whispered. “I have been so in love with him since I was sixteen. I’ve never been with anyone else. But it hurts and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do other than just cry.”

“Not trying to kill yourself is job one. I think.”

“Don’t. Don’t start, please.”

“You could’ve called me. You could’ve told me. I would’ve been there for you.”

“Seven years of my life, Gemma. He has been my everything for years.”

“I’m your fucking sister and you tried to kill yourself. And I don’t know how to reconcile that. I would’ve dropped everything and ran for you.”

“My life is tied to his. You realize that, right? My work, my friends, my life. Do you know how messy and hard a divorce would be? Do you know what that would mean for me? It would be a fucking disaster. Messy and hard and awful. And I couldn’t do it. It was easier to...”

“Well, too bad. You’re not dying. I won’t let you. And I won’t let you go back to him.”

“I wanna know. I wanna know why. I wanna know why he cheated and why he’s choosing me now. I deserve those answers before I make any decisions.”

“I’ll call him then. Make sure to ask him about the video.”

When Louis showed up he made a bee line to my side.

I slapped his hand away. “Don’t touch me. Don’t.”

He retracted, frowning. “H, babe,”

“I’m not your babe, Louis.”

“Gemma said you wanted me here.”

“I have questions,”

“Okay.”

“Simon gave me options. One of them even includes coming out. He said you made you choice.”

“I did. I choose you.”

“Yeah. I heard. Why did you sleep with her?”

He swallowed thickly. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I have to know. I have to. I have to give Simon my decision. I need you to tell me so I can make my choice.”

“Okay. It started back when we had a fight, over management, because they were splitting us up again for a break that we had. I got blackout drunk and woke up with her in my bed. It was a dumb accident and then...I don’t know. It just hurt less when I was...with her...because I didn’t have to think about how much I missed you or how mad I was. And it made it easier to deal with the stunts, you know. Because at least Eleanor and I weren’t fighting too.”

“Do you love her?”

“No.”

“Did you love her?”

“Maybe, but not the way that I love you.”

“Why choose me? After all this. Don’t choose me if it’s so I don’t kill myself. Don’t bullshit me. Gemma won’t let me die so that guilt is off your plate, okay?”

“It’s not about guilt. It’s about you. It has always been you. I have always loved you. I just got frustrated and it was easier than dealing with everything else.”

I played with my rings. “Gemma said to ask about the video. What video is she talking about?”

“Eleanor is a massive cunt. Recorded us, apparently. Then she leaked it.”

“When?”

“Uh yesterday morning, I think.”

“No, when was the video made.”

He grimaced. “February first.”

I startled. “My birthday? Is that why you didn’t call me?! You didn’t even text me all day.”

“I started drinking the second you left and I didn’t stop until just in time to sober up before you got back.”

I blinked.

“H, let me make this up to you.”

“How? How are you supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know. But I will. I want to.”

“I’m not sure you can.”

“If I do decide to try again, with you, we can’t stay in that house. I can’t. Not when...not after. I’m not sharing a bed with your whore.”

“Okay, I’ll buy a new house. You can burn the other one to the ground if you want.” He promised, moving a little closer. “Look, I know that I shouldn’t-”

“You don’t know. You’ll never know what this is like.”

“I know that I love you. And that I’m really fucking sorry.”

“You broke my heart. And now I have this huge decision in my lap.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“What did you think was going to happen? Did you think you’d tell me over drinks and I’d be okay with it?”

“I guess I just...I don’t know. I guess I never thought about getting caught. I definitely never thought about you leaving.”

“Why? Because I’m so pathetic that my first thought was to die rather than divorce you? Because I’ve loved you and only you for my entire life?”

“No, no, I just. I don’t know. I didn’t think about it because I didn’t want to think about it.” He kissed me. “I love you. I want you. It’s you, H. It has always been you.” He kissed me again. And again. “I love you. And I’m so fucking sorry.” He licked into my mouth and I sighed into it. “I’m gonna make it up to you. I’m gonna-”

“Stop kissing me,” I whispered. “Stop kissing me like nothing has changed.”

“Nothing has changed. Not the way I feel about you.”

“I wasn’t enough for you. How am I supposed to believe I will be now?”

“It’s not that you weren’t enough. It’s about...control of my life and anger and frustration and alcohol.” He cupped my face in his hands. “H, it was nothing that you did or didn’t do. It was a shitty situation and I handled it terribly. Please don’t think that It was because of you.”

I looked at my lap and took a deep breath.

“H,”

I shook my head.

He climbed into my lap, arms around my neck. “Harry, Hazza, Haz, H, my love,” He whispered. “I will make this up to you, fuck, I love you so much.”

I caved, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him in close.

“Please, please, please don’t leave me.” He said the words into my shoulder. “I thought you were dead. I thought...” He squeezed me tighter. “If you leave me, I’ll understand. But don’t you dare pull that shit again. I thought you were gone forever. I thought that you were dead.”

“I was trying to be.”

“Never fucking again. You’re gonna live for fucking ever.”

“Not like this.” I let go of him and he sat back. “Fuck, God. I have to make a decision.”

“Talk to me. I’m still your best friend. Talk to me like old times.”

“Well how the fuck are we supposed to fix a marriage? We’re touring constantly. We can’t exactly work things out on tour.”

“Simon’s announcing a hiatus for us. Effective immediately. You’re worth more than whatever we have to cancel. Even to Simon.”

“Okay. So say we stay together. Then what? I’ve got to decide whether we stay closeted or not.”

“Pros and cons of each?”

“I want to be out of the closet. I do. But then I have to deal with all of this in the public eye. It’s all public. Everything. That means everyone will know that you cheated on me with her. We’ll both have to deal with it. But I don’t want to be back in the closet.”

“Okay,” Louis cleared his throat. “So then what if we don’t stay together?”

“Then everything has to change. I can’t stay in the band. Not with you. I can’t do that. I can’t stand next to you and sing songs we wrote for each other if we’re not...and so I’ll have to uproot my whole life. I’ve never been with anyone else so I don’t know what I’d do. Not with my career. Not with my love life. I’d have to remove or cover more than half my tattoos.”

“It’s not One Direction without you. You named us.”

“Yeah, and everyone hated it the second I chose it.”

“Still,”

“So I would be the one to break up One Direction. Awesome.”

“No, it would be my fault. Just like this is,” he cleared his throat. “I feel like you’ve made a decision already.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Can I ask?”

“No,”

He brushed my hair back. “Okay.”

“You should go. I need some sleep.”

“I can stay. I know you hate sleeping alone. I’ll keep you warm.”

“I think you should go. I need to think.”

“And I need to look for houses. Even if you don’t choose to try for us, I can’t live in that house without you.”

“Lou,”

“I love you. And I want to be with you. But I also want you to know that I want you to do whatever you have to. For you. Do what’s best for you, okay? Screw me. Screw everyone else. Be selfish this time. Take what you want. Take what you need. And if you try this shit again, I’ll let Gemma kill you first.”

I watched him go and then flopped down on the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis’ POV

I chewed on my nails, my leg bouncing.  
“Louis, stop.”  
“I can’t. I’m about to find out if my marriage is able to be saved.”  
“Maybe don’t ruin things you want to keep.” Niall hissed.  
“Fuck off, Niall.” I snapped.  
“No. Harry is my best friend.”  
“And my husband.”  
“You don’t get to call that card. You don’t. Not after all this. A yearlong affair and a sex tape. You will be so fucking lucky if he takes you back you stupid fucking-”  
“Niall,” Liam cleared his throat. “Easy,”  
“No. No! He hasn’t suffered for what he’s done. Harry tried to kill himself. Because of you.” Niall shoved me. “He’s a good person. A great person. And you ruined his life. You pint sized, idiotic, piece of filth.”  
“What do you want from me?! Niall, what?! What is it?! Tell me what I’m supposed to do. Because if I could do anything to take it back, I fucking would. You don’t think my heart stopped when I got the call? You don’t think that she isn’t my biggest regret? You don’t think I wouldn’t punch my past self in the face if I could and avoid all this?! You think I was okay with seeing Harry code twice?! And that was what I was around for. He kept coding and I thought I was going to lose him. Don’t tell me I need to feel shitty about this. Trust me, I already do. I know.”  
“Yeah? Well feel worse, Louis. Harry deserves so much fucking better than this. You know it.”  
“Niall,” Liam tried to call him back.  
“No, no, no, fuck off. Harry crumpled like a piece of paper and he’s fine.”  
“I’m not fine, Niall. None of this is fine! None of this is okay with me! But I cannot crumble because if Harry wants to try us again, he needs for me to not be a disaster. Okay? So I’m gonna keep myself standing until otherwise noted. Don’t tell me to feel worse. Because if you think I wouldn’t have followed Harry right over the fucking edge, you’re wrong. I would have killed myself instead of living without him. And I would kill myself now if it would make him feel better. I would. I will.”  
“You should be the one to suffer. Not him.” He shoved me again.  
“Niall, enough,”  
We all turned to see Harry standing in the doorway.  
“Haz,”  
“Harry,”  
I stepped towards him and Niall slapped me across the face.  
“Niall, enough,” Harry said again.  
“Harry, tell me that you’re not doing this. You can’t go back to him.” Niall looked at him. “You can’t.”  
“Niall, it’s my choice.”  
“Alright, boys. Harry has made his decision. It’s time to divide and conquer the press. Now that he’s decided, we have a strategy and we’re going for it.” Simon started handing out folders. “Louis, you’re in the line of fire.”  
“Good.” Niall grumbled. “I’m not doing interviews to say good things about him. I can’t. I can’t do it.”  
“Look in your folder, Niall.” Simon sighed. “I know you’re only willing to speak on Harry’s behalf. Zayn will be on Louis’ side and Liam is Switzerland, as usual.”  
“I’m not on Louis’ side, Simon.”  
“Play your part, Zayn.”  
I looked at Harry and I was too nervous to look in the folder. “Harry, I need you to say it.”  
“Look in your folder,”  
“I need you to say it. Please,”  
“I want to try. I don’t want to give up on us, not yet.”  
I got up to reach out for him, but he stepped back.  
“Don’t, not right now, please,”  
I nodded. “Okay,” I breathed. “Okay, yeah, whatever you want.”  
“Damn fucking right whatever he wants.” Niall hissed.  
“Okay, Liam, keep Niall and Louis separated.” Simon sighed. “Harry, Louis, you’re going to have to cozy up to each other on camera. Present a strong front, making things work. Couples therapy. You’ll be seen going. Read your folders,”

~~~

“I got us set up in a hotel. Not the one you were in...but it’s a hotel. Just for now. It’s a suite so there’s two rooms in case you don’t want to stay in the same bed. But I’ve got some houses earmarked. There was one you really liked before we settled on the one we did buy.”  
“Louis,”  
“But we can start from scratch if you want. Fully from scratch. Whatever you want, Harry. Anything,”  
“Louis,”  
“Do you even still want to live in London? We can move towns. We could move to your hometown, if you want. Or mine. Or the States. Or we could buy a few houses all over the world. We could-”  
“Louis, stop, stop talking for two seconds. Please.” Harry grabbed my hand. “Louis, look at me.”  
I looked up at him. “I wanna make it better. I wanna fix things. I wanna make you happy.” I squeezed his hand.  
“I know that you’re trying. Please chill out, you’re making me anxious. I just you need to stay still for a few minutes.”  
“Okay, sorry, yeah,” I nodded. “Sorry,”  
He shook out his hair.  
I chewed on my lip and shifted my weight from foot to foot.  
“Okay, maybe we should talk about the interviews.”  
“I thought you said-”  
“I know. But you are freaking out. You do better when someone touches you. You’ve always been like that. Sit with me,”  
I sat next to him on the couch. “I ruined our lives.”  
“I don’t want to play that game. I don’t want to hold this over you until we die. I just want our marriage back to the way it was.”  
“Still. I’m sorry. This is all my fault. And I need you to know that I know that.”  
“Let’s talk interviews, okay?”  
“Okay,”  
“I’m sure we’ll have to kiss on camera. So at some point we should work on that. But you should memorize your story.”  
“It’s mostly the truth. I know it well enough.”  
“Okay,”  
“Can we talk about us? About where we are?”  
“I think for a while we shouldn’t sleep in the same bed. And we shouldn’t kiss when we don’t need to. We can’t have sex until we rebuild.”  
“What from me do you want? Like rules or something? What can I do? What do you need from me?”  
“I think I’ll need some time to work on that.”  
“Okay.” I reached out to brush his hair back, but he cleared his throat.  
“Maybe don’t...touch me.”  
“Are you sure about this? Are you sure that you want me?”  
“Simon has the number for a couple’s therapist. We should make an appointment for as soon as possible.”  
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I can make the call.”  
“Okay. Why don’t we start there?”  
“Okay,” I got up and scrolled through the email from Simon and dialed the number. I set up an appointment and took a deep breath before returning to the living room. I leaned in the doorway, watching him pour a glass of wine.  
“Stop watching me.”  
“Sorry.” I cleared my throat. “Should you be drinking? I mean, after...?”  
“After trying to kill myself?”  
“After your overdose.”  
“Let’s call a spade a spade. How about we start there? You had an affair, with Eleanor, for a year. And I couldn’t breathe when I caught you. I wanted to die rather than face the fact that you didn’t want me.”  
“I do want you. It’s not-”  
“Let me finish.” He snapped. “I have to live with the fact that you cheated on me. And also the fact that I’m so pathetic that I would rather die than ask for a fucking divorce. You realize that for me, leaving you was worse than dying. I literally couldn’t live without you. But you could live without me. You can live without me. You had a whole separate relationship behind my back. I have never loved anyone the way that I have loved you. I’ve never been with anyone else. Since I was sixteen, I only had room in my life for you. I only had eyes for you. And you betrayed me. You betrayed my trust and you betrayed our marriage. So don’t look at me like that.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like I’m slipping through your fingers.”  
“I feel like you are. You coded twice, right in front of me. You were legally dead for three minutes and sixteen seconds.”  
“You can’t know that.”  
“I stood there, counting the seconds. I stood there, watching you. I stood there, watching you die and I couldn’t do anything about it. You were dead for three minutes and sixteen seconds. I watched your heart rate. I memorized your heartbeat. I could tell when you were about to code. I could tell. And I couldn’t do a God damn thing to stop it.” I yelled. “I couldn’t save you.”  
“You would’ve been fine without you. You would’ve been just fine. You would’ve had all of our assets and Eleanor.”  
“Eleanor was a warm body. She wasn’t anything. And if you hadn’t survived, I wasn’t going to live without you. I want to be clear. I fucked up. Majorly. I majorly fucked up. But you know what? I would’ve died rather than live without you. You think that I don’t realize that this is all my fault? You think that I don’t know that your death would be my fault? You think that I can’t feel how hurt you are? When you look at me like I’ve ruined your life?”  
“I can’t have this conversation right now.” He shook his head, knocking back his drink. “I can’t.”  
“I love you. And I will fight for you. And I am so fucking sorry. I will never stop apologizing. I will never stop trying to make it up to you. If I thought me dying would make your life better, I’d kill myself right now.”  
“Don’t say that.”  
“Why? Because you’re the only one who can’t live with your other half? I chose you. I have always chosen you. And I will always choose you. Okay? Marriage is a choice. We are a choice. And I choose to have you. I choose to try think and to keep fighting for us. I hurt you. And I know that I’ll never understand how you feel. But I will do whatever it takes. For you. For us.” I grabbed his wrists. “You are my soulmate and I will never stop fighting for you.”  
“Don’t touch me,” He whispered.  
I let go of him. “You should eat. I’ll go get some food. There’s that pasta place you like. I’ll be right back. Okay? I’m just gonna go get you food,”  
“Okay,”  
I grabbed my keys and went to get food.  
When I came back, I found him in a guest room on his laptop.  
“Are you sure you’re okay?”  
I recognized Eleanor’s voice.  
“Everyone’s gone. They’re all at Harry’s party that I’m not allowed to be at. They’re all with my husband and I’m here with you. So no, I’m not fucking okay.”  
“It doesn’t have to be all bad.”  
“You are poison. I’m drunk. Don’t take advantage of me again. It was a mistake. You were a mistake.”  
“Don’t say that, Lou.”  
“Don’t call me Lou. You’re not Harry.”  
“No, but we can pretend. You can get off using me, pretending.”  
“You’re not him.”  
“No, but I’m warm. And I’m here. It’s okay. It is.”  
“It’s not.”  
“Use me, Louis. It’s okay, no one has to know.”  
“I’ll know.”  
“You might not even remember. Come on. Harry’s out there having fun. Without you. He doesn’t need you to have fun. You haven’t even heard from him all day.”  
“That’s because you took my phone. Wanna call him. Wanna tell him I love him. Wanna tell him happy birthday. It’s his birthday.”  
“He doesn’t want you to call. If he did, he would have called. And I’m here, Louis. Come on, use me. Harry isn’t here. He doesn’t love you. He’s not going to stay with you. He’s gonna leave.”  
“No, shut up.”  
“I’m just being honest.”  
“Shut the fuck up.”  
“I definitely don’t remember any of that.” I spoke up.  
Harry looked at me. “You were pretty drunk so I’m not surprised.”  
“There’s no way that’s the version Eleanor leaked. She’d have cut it out to make it look like a real sex tape.”  
“She did. She sent me this though.”  
“She sent it to you?”  
“Yeah, with the caption ‘it was easy’.”  
“That manipulative bitch.” I hissed. “I’m sorry.”  
“No. I deserve to know.”  
I nodded. “Right, I just thought...it doesn’t matter.”  
He looked back at his laptop. “You ever let her fuck you? Like I do?”  
“No, never,” I shook my head.  
“She ever open you up while she blows you?”  
“No,”  
“She even lick you out?”  
“I, no, Harry. Why are you asking about this?”  
“She even pin you down so you couldn’t move?” He was suddenly trapping me up against the wall.  
“No, Harry,”  
His hands rested on either side of my head. “She loom over you like this?”  
“No,”  
He kissed me, slamming me into the wall and moving his hands to grip my waist. “She ever wreck you the way I do?”  
“No, God, no,”  
“Good.” He sucked on my tongue for a second. “You belong to me,”  
“Yeah,” I whispered.  
He kept kissing me, pressing his body up against mine.  
“I love you,”  
He picked me up by my thighs, grinding against me.  
“You’re hard. You’re really hard.”  
“Yeah, no shit.” He sucked marks into my neck. “I get to mark you for real now.”  
I squirmed a little, my dick straining against my pants and jeans. “I thought you said that we shouldn’t-”  
“Yeah, well, right now I want you. I want to kiss you and grind my hips against yours.” He licked into my mouth.  
“Harry, are you...are you drunk?”  
“No, I’m not.”  
“Okay,” I panted. “Do you...do you want to get off? Do you want to...do you want to use me to get off?”  
“Use you?”  
“Yeah, you can use me. However you want.” I closed my eyes. “I’m yours to use. However you want.”  
“What if I want to fuck you?”  
“Whatever you want.” I promised. “You can use me however you want. I owe you that.”  
He dropped me and moved back. “So you’re gonna let me fuck you because you think you owe me?”  
“No, I just meant-”  
“Forget it. We should eat and then get to the hotel.”  
“Harry, wait-”  
“Forget it.”

~~~  
Harry’s POV

I knocked back a few shots, quickly. “God. My life is a fucking mess.”  
Niall sipped his beer.  
“You’re quiet.”  
“Well, you know how I feel about your decision.”  
“Yeah, well, we’ve been together for almost a decade. It’s not a simple decision. There’s too much history to just...give up on him.”  
“Yeah, well, you should think about what this means for you.”  
“I did.”  
“Look, I’ll make out with you if you dump him.”  
“Niall,” I snorted.  
“I’m just saying.”  
“Niall,”  
“Why are you drinking?”  
“Um.”  
“Just tell me. It’s not like you can tell anyone else.”  
“We almost had sex.”  
“Gross. You don’t even know if he’s clean.”  
“That’s not the point.”  
“What is the point then?”  
“He kept saying that I could use him. And it was kinda hot at first.”  
“Okay...”  
“And the he said that I could use him however I wanted because he owed me that.”  
“He owes you more than that.”  
“That’s not the point. The point is that I don’t want him to be with me because he owes me. I want him to be with me because he loves me. I don’t want him to have sex with me because he feels like he should. That’s not love. That’s not a marriage. That’s not what I want.”  
“Did you tell him that?”  
“No.”  
“Well, maybe you should.”  
“Maybe. We’ve got an appointment tomorrow. Therapy. Couples’ therapy,”  
“Fun,”  
“Oh. I can’t wait,” I mumbled sarcastically. “She sent me the uncut video. Of the tape she leaked.”  
“Eleanor?”  
“Yeah,”  
“Did you-”  
“Watch It? Yeah,”  
“And?”  
“He was piss drunk. She kept saying that I didn’t love him and that I didn’t want him. That I wouldn’t call him.”  
“But you had called him. A million times. I remember.”  
“She had his phone the whole time.” I shrugged. “She manipulated him, at first.”  
“At first, maybe.”  
“I want my marriage to be back to normal.”  
“Mmmm. Well, then I want that for you.”  
“Are you and Louis going to be okay?” I asked, watching him.  
“No. We can’t be friends. At least not right now. Not for a while. Maybe not ever again...I don’t know.”  
“Niall,”  
“You know that Louis watched you code twice. You don’t know that I watched you fight the doctors. I watched you fight life. I never should’ve given you the dealer’s number.”  
“I would’ve found another way, Niall.”  
“Harry, I can’t even look at him. Every time I look at him, I can see you coding.”  
I frowned. “I’m okay.”  
“No. You’re not. You’re a mess. And you’re my best friend.”  
“I’ll be okay. I will be. It’s just...going to take me some time.”

~~~

“So tell me about your relationship.” The doctor asked, opening her notebook.  
“We met in 2010. Fell in love. Got married. Been up each other’s asses ever since.”  
“But?” She prompted.  
“I had an affair. A yearlong affair. With the woman hired to be my beard.”  
“Oh. Wow, okay.”  
“And he tried to kill himself. Cocaine and alcohol. In summary, I fucked up and ruined our marriage and made him wanna die.”  
“I don’t want you to stay because you think I’m going to kill myself. If you don’t want to be with me, don’t be with me.”  
“I want to be with you.”  
“I think you feel obligated.”  
“I feel obligated to make it up to you. Not to be with you.”  
“Yeah, right. Because the phrase ‘I owe you that’ belongs in your vocabulary. Romantic.”  
“I do owe you.”  
“Look, don’t be here because you owe me. Don’t have sex with me because you owe me.”  
“Woah, woah, woah, let’s take a breath.” The doctor interrupted. “Let’s relax for a second. Breathe,”  
I sighed. “Look, I want my marriage back to the way it was. And if he doesn’t want the same, this is pointless. I never intended to guilt him into staying with me. That’s not what I want. Staying with me because you feel guilty is worse than cheating. I don’t want his pity.”  
“I don’t pity you. I want you to know that I know that I fucked up royally. I want you to know that I want to fix things. That I want us to get back to normal. But I feel like I owe you, at least a little. You chose to try to make this work. It makes no sense why because I hurt you to the point that you tried to die. So I don’t understand why you chose to take me back. But I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you don’t regret it.”  
“So this is good, you’re talking. I think there’s some miscommunication, but at least you’ve agreed on what you want. You want each other. Everything else stems from that. Now I think it’s important that you try to spend time together, getting back into your rhythm, not like it didn’t happen, but back into your rhythm. Your new rhythm. Maybe start with a date.”  
I nodded. “Okay.”  
“Was sex a big part of your relationship before?”  
“No,” Louis said at the same time I said “Yes,”.  
“I’m sorry, what?” I snapped.  
“We were doing quickies in closets and hotel rooms.”  
“When we were on tour. Is that why you slept with her? I didn’t fuck you enough? It wasn’t enough for you.”  
“Alright, alright, settle down.”  
“No, I will not settle.” I snapped.  
“Harry,”  
“I didn’t say it wasn’t enough. I’m just saying as far as our relationship goes, it was never about the sex. We’ve just been more focused on the love than the lust. I don’t think it’s a bad thing.”  
“If I didn’t satisfy you sexually, you should’ve fucking said.”  
“It’s not like that.”  
“When’s the last time you had sex?”  
I opened my mouth, but the doctor pointed to me.  
“With each other.”  
“It’s been a while. We’d be getting there and-”  
“And I’d stop him because I felt guilty. I couldn’t...I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. I kept trying to tell him, but then I lost my nerve each time. I couldn’t do it.”  
I huffed.  
“Okay, so maybe it’s time for you to get your sex life back on track. Build that. Reconnect physically.”

~~~

I put my jacket over the chair in my room, chewing on my lip.  
“H,”  
“Yeah?”  
“Maybe after dinner, we can try...”  
“Are you clean?”  
“Did you really just ask me that?” He looked offended.  
“I can’t believe I have to ask, but yeah, I need to know.”  
“Of course I’m clean. I never...not with anyone other than you.”  
“Okay.”  
“It wasn’t because you weren’t enough. That’s not what happened.”  
“We haven’t had sex for almost a year. You chose sex with her. I don’t know what to do with that knowledge.”  
“Would you rather I fucked you both? I chose sex with her because it was meaningless and easy. Have sex with you while I was having sex with her would’ve made me face the fact that I was cheating on you. It would’ve been messy and so I chose the coward’s way out. You satisfy just fine. I just-”  
“Alright, so we’re done with this conversation.”  
“Harry-”  
I slammed him against the wall, licking into his mouth. “You cum harder with her or with me?”  
“You,” he whispered.  
I claimed his mouth again, unbuttoning his jeans and dropping them to the floor. “I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to black out from how fucking good it is.”  
He tipped his head back, panting. “Fuck,”  
I sucked a hickey under his ear. “Does she know about that spot?”  
He shook his head. “No,”  
“Fetch the lube and get undressed.”  
He scrambled out of the room, dropping his clothes.  
I stripped and moved to the bed, pulling back the covers.  
“Oh, shit,” Louis whispered.  
“What?” I turned to look at him.  
His eyes trailed my body. “Um, sorry. You’re just...a lot.”  
“Lube?”  
He handed it to me. “Fuck, you’re so big. Forgot...”  
“Yeah, baby? Forgot how big I was? How small you are.”  
“Yeah,”  
“On the bed,” I demanded. “On your back,”  
He did as I asked and I crawled over him. He pulled me to him, snogging me.  
I hovered over him, licking into his mouth and running my hands down his body.  
“Harry, shit,”  
I sucked bruises into his skin. “I will mark you up. Let everyone know who the fuck you belong to.”  
“Think they figured it out a long time ago. The tattoos. The songs. They know.” He mumbled, squirming.  
“Stay still baby. Don’t make me flip you over and spank you.”  
He let out a whine, but stilled.  
I sucked one of his nipples into my mouth and he tangled his fingers in my hair, whining. I swapped to the other side and he arched into it.  
“Harry, please,”  
“Not yet,” I made marks down his chest and stomach, skipping over his dick in favor of marking up the soft skin of his thighs.  
“Harry, fuck, fuck, please.”  
“Oh, I’m gonna fuck you.” I made a love bite on the inside of his thigh and uncapped the lube, smearing some onto a few fingers. I was assaulted by the cherry scent. “Flavored lube?” I raised an eyebrow, rubbing my fingers against his hole.  
“It’s your, fuck, favorite, even when you don’t lick me out. You always say you, oh God please,”  
“I always say what?”  
“That it brings you back to the X Factor days. Makes you remember the first time you fucked me. I was the older one...I...” He squirmed. “I had to buy the lube. I was so nervous that I bought five different bottles, all flavored. You laughed so fucking hard and said we had to use the cherry or else it wouldn’t feel right.”  
“Because of how your lips look when we kiss.”  
“Yeah. Since then, I always make sure we have one bottle of it at least. Always keep it on your side of the bed. Always makes you cum a little harder. Always makes you look at me like...like that.” He ran his thumb over my cheekbone.  
“Like what?” I asked, teasing his hole.  
“Like I’m all you could ever want.” He whispered. “It’s why I couldn’t ever...not while...I didn’t want you to stop wanting me. And I knew I’d have to tell you if you looked at me like this. There’s nothing like the way you’re looking at me. My entire net worth can’t buy anything close to this.”  
I looked up to see an arm over his face. “Lou, look at me.”  
“I can’t.”  
I moved up his body to yank his arm away with my clean hand.  
Tears were rolling down his face at a steady pace.  
“I’m sorry, this is the least sexy thing ever.” He tried desperately to wipe his face. “I’m sorry,”  
“Don’t be sorry for crying.”  
“I’m sorry for everything.” He frowned. “Harry,”  
“Yeah?”  
“Either put your fingers in me or stop touching me like that. I’m crying and trying to apologize, but I’m hard cuz you’re touching me like that.”  
I slid a finger into him, earning a sharp gasp. “Shhhh,” I soothed, running a hand over his sternum. I added a second finger soon, then a third,”  
“I’m ready, I’m ready,”  
“Love, not to be immodest, but we both know you need four.”  
“Want it to hurt a little,”  
“Lou, no,”  
“Deserve it to hurt at least a little. I still get to have you. After everything I did.”  
“I can’t hurt you.” I shook my head.  
“Come on, don’t you want to? A little? Come on, Harry. After everything that I did?! Hurt me. You should want to. Especially here, in this house.”  
“I won’t hurt you.” I pushed in a fourth, pressing up against his prostate to get him to shut up.  
“Harry, come on,”  
I prepped him a little longer, but he started to get too squirmy so I pulled my fingers out. “Alright, shhh,” I slicked myself up and pushed into him, slowly.  
He locked his ankles around my back and drew me in, forcing me in to the hilt. “Oh, shit,” he threw his head back.  
“Jesus,” I groaned. “Fuck,”  
“Move, you can move.” He started to grind his hips back in small, dirty movements.  
I looked him over, all small and dainty looking under me. I pulled out and fucked back in, hard.  
He gasped. “Yes, God, fuck, you’re already-fuck-right there,”  
“I know, baby. I know where your prostate is.” I snorted, leaning over him with a hand by his head. “Now if you’re gonna cry during sex, I want it to be for all the right reasons.” I kissed him, sucking on his tongue and fucking him harder.  
He whimpered and whined, panting into my mouth.  
I broke the kiss to breathe, hiking his thighs up higher and fucking him just right.  
“God, Harry, I’m gonna cum,”  
“Already? I’ve barely started with you.”  
“It’s so, fuck,” he arched his back, thighs shaking as he spilled over his stomach.  
I fucked him through it, grinding my teeth to keep myself in control. “You can come at least one more time.”  
“At least?”  
“Yeah, at least. I think you can give me two more.” I hummed.  
“I don’t...I don’t know.”  
“I know. I know you. I know your body. And I know that if I keep fucking you, you’ll cum again and again. As long as I keep fucking you, you’ll keep cumming until you cum dry.”  
“Harry,” he moaned, fucking his hips back to meet mine. “God, feels so good. You feel so good.”  
“Yeah? Not half bad yourself, baby.” I kept fucking him, pulling three more orgasms from him, the last one weak and leaving him trembling. “Fucking look at you. You’re a puddle of goo for me.” I grunted.  
“Always,” He panted. “Come on. I’ve had four. It’s your turn. Fill me up.”  
I groaned. “Want that,”  
“Fill me so your cum will drip out of me. Mark me up on the inside like you have on the outside. Mark me in a way that no one else has. That no one else ever will.”  
I shoved in hard, cumming deep in him.  
He seemingly melted, going pliant and heavy under me.  
“How do you feel?”  
He laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “You’re the only person in the world who can drive your cock into someone like a madman and then ask how they feel. I still can’t breathe properly and I’m probably going to pass out. God I fucking love you. I missed you.”  
I woke up a few hours later to Louis tossing and turning and screaming in his sleep. I started to get up to grab a cold cloth for him when he went postal, grabbing me and digging his nails into my skin.  
“No, no, Haz, no, don’t. Don’t go.”  
“Lou, I’m just getting a cloth.”  
“Don’t go,”  
I used my free hand to touch his face. “Lou, wake up.”  
“No, Harry, no,”  
“Louis,” I shook him a little. “Hey, wake up.”  
He made a distressed noise.  
“Louis,” I shook him more.  
“No, no, please, please, H, I love you.”  
“Louis,” I pinched him. “How are you still asleep, Jesus,”  
“Harry,” He wailed.  
“God,” I smacked him hard across the face and he startled awake.  
“Ow, what the fuck?!” He complained. “Did you just hit me?!”  
“You were screaming in your sleep. You wouldn’t wake up. What the hell were you dreaming about? You were screaming for me. And not in the hot way.”  
“Just a bad dream,” He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”  
“What were you dreaming about?”  
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”  
“You were screaming, Louis. Actual, real life, horror film screaming.”  
“Look, I had a nightmare, okay? Leave it alone.”  
“No.”  
“Harry,”  
“You don’t get to say ‘leave it alone’ when I had to smack you across the face to wake you up. You’re not alright. What the fuck were you dreaming about?!”  
“You, alright?! You, overdosing on the bathroom floor. And I didn’t make it in time. You were dead. Okay?! You were fucking dead. And I couldn’t save you.”  
“I’m not dead, Louis. I’m right here.”  
“Yeah, I see that. But you could slip through my fingers at any time. You were dead.” He put his head in his hands and sobbed.  
I pulled him into my lap. “I’m not dead. I’m not dying. I’m right here. I am right fucking here.”  
He sobbed into my neck and I took his hand, guiding it to the other side of my neck.  
“That is a pulse. A steady, real pulse.”  
“Don’t leave me.” He tried to get impossibly closer to me.  
“Shhhh,” I wrapped my arms around him.  
“I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry.”


	3. Chapter 3

Louis’ POV

I woke up to an empty bed and groaned. I slipped on one of Harry’s shirts and went into the kitchen. “H, babe,”  
He hummed, looking at me from his spot in front of the stove. “How about I stuff you with food and then with my fingers and then with my cock.”  
“Uh, yeah, shit. That...yeah.” I cleared my throat. “If you want,”  
Someone knocked on the door and we looked at each other.  
“You’re in joggers. I’m not wearing anything under your shirt.”  
“One second,” he yelled, pulling me in close. “How about you try not to burn the eggs and I’ll answer the door.”  
“No promises,”  
“I’m not sure what I really can expect from someone who has cum dried down their thighs.”  
I flushed and he smacked my ass, walking to the door. I was focusing on not fucking up the eggs so I didn’t notice the discussion that was being had at the door.  
“You get the fuck off our property.” Harry yelled.  
I startled. “Haz? Is it the paps? Should I call the cops?”  
“Yeah, call the cops.”  
I turned off the stove and went to grab the phone when I felt nails in my arm. “What the fuck?!”  
“You can’t fire me. I know all your dirty little secrets.” Eleanor hissed.  
“What are you doing here?!” I tried to pry her off of me. “Get off!”  
“No, I know everything about you and I will ruin your fucking life.”  
“You don’t know shit about me.”  
“You’re in love with me.”  
“No, I’m not. You’re a fucking whore. Get off,” I looked to Harry for help, but he was on the phone. “I will hit you.”  
“No, you won’t.” She shoved me to the wall and snorted. “Fragile. It’s why I picked you, you know. I knew you’d be easy.”  
I pushed her away from me and she twisted my arm behind my back, slamming me face first into the wall.  
“Like I said, easy.”  
“Harry, get off the fucking phone!” I snapped.  
“Is there dried cum on your thighs? You’re a whore.”  
“And what does that make you? Makes you a gold digging bitch.”  
She twisted my arm further and I yelped.  
“Jesus Christ, Eleanor, what do you want from me?!”  
“I want my life back.”  
“And I want to go back in time and choose a different beard. We all want things,”  
“Remember how I took all those self defense lessons because of your stupid fucking fans.”  
“They’re smarter than you.”  
She pushed harder and I screamed when something cracked. “Fragile,”  
“You broke my fucking arm?”  
Suddenly her weight was gone.  
“You fucking tree,” Eleanor screamed.  
“Fucking bitch,” Harry hauled her over to another room. “God damn it,” He returned a few minutes later and I stretched my shoulder. “Are you alright?”  
“Where is she?” I asked, cradling my bad arm.  
“Dining room. Luckily, we have handcuffs around the house.”  
“She’s fucking crazy.”  
“I know. How’s your arm?”  
“Broken, I think.”  
“You should go put clothes on. Unless you want to be taken to the hospital in that.”  
“I don’t care,”  
“You want to get papped with my cum down your thighs?”  
“Oh, right. Probably not suitable for the fans who are gonna see those pics.”  
“Not the best way to get out of the closet.” Harry snorted.  
“So cops, hospital, hotel?” I asked, looking to the stairs.  
“Sounds around right.”  
“I’ll need your help. Pants and stuff,” I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. But I need your help.”  
He hummed. “We’ll put you in some joggers and after the cops leave, I’ll fuck you up against the wall.”  
I flushed and we ran upstairs.  
We spoke to the cops and talked about a restraining order.  
Eleanor put up a fight with the cops and I think she even bit one, judging by how she was shoved into the backseat of the car.  
I shut the door and hummed. “You gonna fuck me now?”  
He pinned me against the wall and I gasped, resting my forehead against the cold wall. “I am going to fuck you so hard. Wanna watch you fall apart.” He mouthed at my neck. “Stay put.”  
I felt him disappear and I groaned, trying to push the joggers down to my ankles.  
“How loose are you from last night?” Harry asked, pressing up against me.  
I licked my lips. “Pretty loose,”  
“Good,” He pushed into me and I moaned.  
“Oh, oh,” my head tipped back. “Fuck, you’re so big. I, shit,”  
He tangled his fingers in my hair and yanked my head back. “What did she say to you?”  
“I...what?”  
“What did your mistress tell you?”  
“She’s not my-”  
He tugged on my hair. “Louis.”  
“She, fuck, she said I couldn’t fire her because she knows my secrets.”  
“Does she know anything about you that I don’t?”  
“No, nothing, you know everything.”  
“What else did she say?”  
“Do we have to do this right now? You’re literally in me.”  
“Tell me so I can fuck you.”  
I huffed. “She called me fragile and a whore. Said she knew I’d be easy. Said ‘s why she chose me.”  
“Chose you?”  
“Said she picked me because she knew I’d be easy.”  
“She was right. You broke.”  
“Are we really having this conversation while I’m stuffed with your cock?”  
“It’s easier like this.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I don’t have to focus on the conversation. I can focus on how tight your ass is. I don’t have to focus on how you betrayed my trust and how pathetic I am for not being able to leave. I don’t have to focus on how you somehow chose to fuck her instead of me.”  
“Harry, I’m-”  
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Doesn’t change the fact that you did it. Went behind my back for a year to fuck someone else. A year. That means you made the conscious decision to look at me every day and lie to my face. To look at me and know you were doing something horrible and you did it anyway. A year and you didn’t come clean. I caught you. Bargained my way into an earlier flight home and found you balls deep in her.” He let go of my hair and I put my forehead against the door. “You’re my husband and I had to watch you fuck someone else. I have to live with the fact that I’m too fucking pathetic to live without you. Even worse I couldn’t even kill myself correctly.”  
“Don’t say that. Harry,”  
“Shut up. For once, shut up. I’m gonna fuck you into the wall and then I’m gonna take you to the hospital.”  
“Harry-”  
“You want me to fuck you, Louis?”  
“Yes,” I whispered.  
He almost crushed me when he pinned me against the wall. He fucked into me so hard, I was forced to stand on my toes.  
I couldn’t stop the small noises from spilling from my mouth. “Harry, God,”  
He smacked my ass and I came all over myself. “So soon, baby?”  
“You’re fucking, oh God, you are fucking me within - oh, oh, oh - within an inch of my, shit, my life.”  
“Yeah,”  
“You’re in me, fuck,” I hit my fist against the door. “You aren’t even, fuck, affected.”  
“Oh, I’m affected.” He sucked a hickey into my shoulder blade. “I just have more self control.”  
“No, you just have all the control.” I grumbled. “But when it comes down to it, I can always make you cum whenever I want you to.”  
“Is that so?”  
“You’ve always had this thing about marking me up. You love to see evidence of us on me. Always have. Your fingerprints on my hips. How red my ass is after a good spanking. But most of all, you love it when I let you cum in me. You love it when you can see it drip down my thighs. You love knowing that no one else makes me so messy. You love knowing that everyone knows what you’ve done to me when I walk out all big eyes with a waddle.”  
“Mmm,”  
“You have to be in the right mood for me to ride you because it’s not the same. You don’t get to dominate me. You don’t get to destroy me. When I’m under you like this, it reminds you of how tiny I am. Of how much I need you.” I tried to keep my voice even.  
He gave a hard thrust and I grunted.  
“Reminds you that,” I panted. “That I belong to you just as much as I belong with you. That no matter what I’ve done, I don’t let anyone touch me like this. You love fucked me face down ass up because you’re the only person in the entire world that I will let face my back. Your cock was made for me. I was made for you. She can do a lot of things, but not this. Never this. I don’t trust her like this. Would never fuck her bare. Would never let her fuck me.”  
He dug his teeth into my shoulder, fucking me harder.  
“How the fuck are you going this hard?!” I whined, bracing myself. I was startled into a second orgasm and I sobbed through it. “Harry, fuck,”  
He locked an arm around me and came, coating my insides.  
I tried to push myself up on by my hands and sobbed, slumping into the wall. “Fuck, H, she really did break my arm.”  
“I can’t believe she broke your arm.” He muttered, pulling out and pressing a plug in me.  
“I can’t believe you fucked me instead of taking me to the hospital.” I hissed.  
“I can’t believe you let me.”  
“Probably shouldn’t have, but your eyes were like this really hot dark green and I couldn’t say no.”  
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,”  
“Painkillers from now on, probably.” I snorted.  
“Come on, let’s clean you up and then we’ll go.”  
At the hospital, I swung my legs back and forth.  
“Harry, I’m bored.”  
“Well, don’t get your arm broken by girls who barely weigh a buck wet and you won’t have to wait for X-rays.”  
“She took all those self defense classes!”  
“Whatever, babe.”  
Someone knocked on the door and Harry let them in. “Alright, Louis, I’m Dr. Jacobs. I’m the resident pediatrician on staff. Looks like you’ve had a nasty fall.” The woman looked up and startled. “You’re not a child.”  
“Uh, no. I’m in my twenties.” I raised an eyebrow.  
“Sorry, you’re just small. I saw the X-ray and didn’t look at the rest of the chart.”  
Harry laughed so hard that he fell off his chair.  
“I’m not that small!”  
“I’m so sorry. I’m going to get you an adult doctor.”  
Harry snorted, laughing so hard he started crying.  
“Harry!” I hissed, kicking his leg.  
“I’m sorry,” He cleared his throat. “Sorry,”  
Another doctor came into the room, extending a hand to Harry. “Mr. Tomlinson, Mr. Styles,” She looked at me. “Sorry about the mixup. You’ve got tiny wrists and that confused Dr. Jacobs. I’m Dr. Talley.”  
“I’m not that small.”  
“Well, you do have a broken arm. So let’s start there.”  
“Okay, how bad is it?”  
“Minimal, but we’ll need to cast it for a few weeks.”  
“Okay, let’s do this.”  
“Are you allergic to any pain meds?”  
“No,”  
“Do you have a drug abuse history?” She asked.  
“No,”  
“Okay, great. I’m going to prescribe-”  
“Don’t. No painkillers,”  
“Isn’t your arm-”  
“I’m fine. I don’t need them.”  
“Lou,” Harry shook his head. “You need them.”  
“No. I don’t want them in the house.”  
He glared at me. “I’m not going to try and OD on your painkillers, Louis. Jesus Christ. Get the meds you need.”  
“I don’t want them and you can’t make me take them.”  
He got up and slammed the door on his way out of the room.  
“Um, okay, that’s not super concerning or anything.”  
“No painkillers.”  
“Suit yourself.”  
Harry didn’t speak the entire ride back. He didn’t speak when we checked into the hotel and he didn’t speak when we took a shower together. Mostly he took a shower with me to make sure I kept the cast dry.  
We got dressed and he sat on the bed, so I followed suit.  
He sat there, watching television. Kinda.  
“Are you hungry? I can order pizza or take away.”  
“No,”  
“I can order room service.”  
“No,”  
I sighed, ordering his favorite from the Chinese place down the block. I dug through my bags, well, clawed one-handed through. I finally found a black sharpie and climbed onto the bed next to my stewing husband.  
I poked him with the sharpie until he turned to look at me.  
“What?”  
“Sign my cast?” I asked, holding the marker out to him and gesturing to the green wrapping on my arm.  
“What?”  
I squirmed under the intense gaze. “Will you sign it?”  
“What are we twelve?”  
I chewed on my lip. “I’m not asking my classmates. I’m asking you. It’s my right one. It’s my tattoo arm. Covers a good bit of them. I just...forget it.” I tossed the sharpie across the room and got on the floor, pulling my laptop out of my bag and plugging in my headphones.  
I got up and paid for the food when it showed up. “I got your favorite. From that Chinese place down the block.” I put the bag on the desk and put the containers down on it. I tried to open them, but couldn’t without both hands. “Could you maybe...help?” I looked at him, but he didn’t look at me. “Or not.” I took my laptop into the living room area of the suite, setting it down on the coffee table.  
I went back into the room to drag my bag into the living room. I clawed through it until I found one of Harry’s stupid protein bars. I tried to open it with my teeth, but that just wasn’t happening.  
I gave up and settled into the couch.  
After a while, Harry came into the room, dropping the bag of food on the coffee table. “Your food is gonna get cold.”  
I nudged it out of the way with my foot.  
“Don’t be a fucking child.”  
“What am I supposed to do with it?”  
“I don’t know, eat?”  
“How?! I can’t open anything and you seem pretty content to fucking ignore me. How about you stop being a child and eat?”  
“You didn’t even get the pain meds because you’re an idiot.”  
“You already tried to die once. I’m not letting it happen again. I can live without the pain meds. It isn’t that bad of a break. I’d rather deal with it then risk your life again, okay? I’d rather do a lot of things than let that happen again.”  
“Your arm is broken.”  
“I don’t care. Break the other one. You don’t think I know that I deserve it?! I hurt you so bad you tried to die. The least I can do is not take the pain meds. I’m not taking them. I won’t take them. I don’t care.”  
“Your pain doesn’t undo mine.”  
“I wish it could. I would stab myself right here right now if it would somehow take that pain away from you. I’d do it. If I thought killing myself would make you happier, I’d do it. And I don’t know how you found it in you to want me and to love me after all this. To not want to hurt me. To not want to inflict pain on me. And I can’t even begin to make up for it. Any of it. I don’t know how. But I’m not gonna stop trying. I’m never going to stop trying. Because I’m never gonna forget the look on your face when you walked in that room and I’m never gonna forget seeing you flatline. I am never going to forget it and I am never going to stop trying to do penance for what I did. I had everything I could have ever wanted and I fucked it up. Me. I am responsible for all of this.”  
“Your pain doesn’t cancel out mine, no matter what you do. So stop being fucking stupid and go ask for some pain meds.”  
“No,”  
“I swear to God, Louis. I’ll...”  
“You’ll what? Please enlighten me as to what you’ll do.”  
“I’ll hover.”  
“Hover?”  
“Yeah, I’ll hover and I’ll baby you until you can’t stand it. I’ll baby you in private. I’ll baby you in public. I’ll baby you until you’re dying for ten seconds alone.”  
“Okay, sure. See if you can stand me that long.”  
“Watch me. I’ll fucking spoon feed you.”  
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Harry. I’m not taking the fucking meds.”  
“Budge over,”  
“What?”  
“I said budge over.”  
I moved over so he could sit with me. “Fine, whatever,”  
He sat down and pulled me into his lap, reaching forward to open the containers from the bag. He shoved a fork in one and held it out to me. “Eat,”  
“You eat.” I grumbled. “I got it for you.”  
“If you eat, I’ll eat.”  
“If you eat, I’ll eat.” I countered.  
“Jesus, fine.” He groaned, taking a forkful and shoving it into his mouth. “Now open your mouth,”  
I tried to take the fork.  
“No, you wanted to act like a baby. So I’m gonna feed you like a baby.”  
“Harry, I-”  
He shoved a forkful of food in my mouth. “Shut up,”  
I glared at him, chewing.  
“You’re gonna be a good boy for me, aren’t you, baby? Gonna let me take care of you? Be all soft and sweet for me?”  
“No,” I grumbled.  
“Yes, you are. You want to make it up to me? Why don’t we start easy? Hmm? Behaving would be step one.” His voice was soft in my ear. “Do you think you can be a good boy for me?”  
I let out a weird noise. “Wanna.”  
“I know you do, sweetheart. And you’re gonna be good for me, aren’t you, love? You’re gonna be so good for me, gonna do everything I ask.”  
“Yeah,” I said, voice quiet.  
“I know you will. So you’re gonna eat for me,”  
“Not if you don’t eat.” I tucked my face into his neck.  
“Baby,” he huffed.  
“I can be soft and pliant for you. I can be lovely and sweet, but not if you won’t eat. Not like this,”  
“Louis,”  
I shook my head. “No, H. I will do almost anything. But I won’t eat if you don’t. Taking care of you, that’s not negotiable. I will be whatever you want me to be. But I won’t let you get away with not taking care of yourself.”  
He huffed again, shoving another fork into a different container. “You’ve got one hand so this is gonna be difficult on the couch. Up you go,”  
I got up and he brought everything over to the little table.  
“Come here, perch in my lap like a good boy,”  
I flushed, sitting in his lap.  
“Baby, be a good boy and eat for me.”  
I used my left hand to fork food into my mouth.  
Harry scratched at my scalp affectionately for a bit before digging into his own food. “I don’t know why you ordered this. You always complain it has too many vegetables.”  
“It’s your favorite. That’s why I ordered it and that’s why it has too many vegetables,”

~~~  
Harry’s POV

I woke up to a slick heat around my dick and I bucked my hips up. I looked down to find Louis between my legs, looking back at me. I groaned, throwing my head back. “Lou,”  
He pulled off. “Hi,”  
“What are you doing?”  
“I’m taking a shower. What do you bloody thing that I’m doing? I’m sucking your cock. Now, I’m gonna take your cock into my mouth again. You going to fuck my mouth?” He asked, looking at me before sinking down on my cock again.  
I fucked into his mouth, quick and rough.  
He groaned, letting me fuck into his mouth like it was mine to take.  
I came down his throat and pulled him off. “What was that for?”  
“It was poking me in the back. Figured I’d take care of it.” He licked his lips.  
“You’re a menace,”  
“Maybe, but I take you like a champ. It’s how I really snagged you, isn’t it? Put my mouth on your dick and that was it for you,”  
“You say that as if I didn’t fall for you the second I saw you.”  
“I wasn’t sure you’d ever love me, not really. I mean, God. Look at you. People all over the world think you fuck a different person every night.”  
“I do, you’ve got a million personalities.”  
He looked affronted. “Fucking rude, I just sucked your dick.”  
“Mhmm, you say that like it was for me. But it was for you, wasn’t it, lovely?” I sat up to card my fingers through his hair. “Just had to have my cock in your mouth, didn’t you? Couldn’t stand not having it in your mouth, could you?”  
He looked a little startled, looking at me. “No,”  
“Come on, baby, just be honest. Maybe if you tell me the truth, I’ll put my fingers in your ass and get you to cum all over yourself.”  
He ground his hips into the mattress and I tugged on his hair to stop him.  
“Louis,” I tsked. “Answer me,”  
“Yeah,”  
“Yeah, what?”  
“Wanted your cock in my mouth,” He flushed, looking at me. “I wanted your cock in me somehow.”  
“I know, baby. I know. So come up here, maybe I’ll get my fingers in you. Would you like that?”  
He cleared his throat and scrambled up to me.  
“Tell me something,”  
“Okay,”  
“Tell me what color your cast is,”  
“Green,”  
“And tell me why,”  
He hesitated, looking at the ceiling. “I tried to tell you and you snapped at me.”  
“Tell me,” I demanded.  
“It’s covering my tattoos, my tattoos for you. Needed it to be green,”  
“Mmm,”  
“I can cover it. I’ll cover it,” he mumbled, digging through the blankets for his phone. “Was stupid, forget it. I need a shower.” He started to get up and I yanked him back to the bed. “That’s not fair, Harry. I’ve only got the one arm.”  
“I know.” I shoved his pants down to his ankles. “I didn’t say to cover it.”  
“H,”  
“Alright, lovely, hush,” I grabbed the lube and smeared some over three fingers. “Up on your thighs, love,”  
He raised up and I rubbed my fingers over his entrance. “H,”  
I plunged my middle finger into him and gasped sharply. “My sweet boy, hmm?” I teased.  
“Fuck,”  
I hauled him closer and he used his good hand to steady himself. “I’m gonna get you good and open. Then you’re gonna ride my fingers,”  
He shook his head. “Wanna ride you,”  
“Okay,” I slid in a second and after a little while, a third. I removed my fingers to slick up a fourth, but Louis grabbed the lube first and slicked my dick up. “Fuck, Lou, no, shit, you know you need another one.”  
“No,”  
“Louis,” I grabbed his hips with both hands. “No,”  
“You’re getting lube all over me,”  
“Louis, you need a fourth.”  
“No, no, Harry, no,”  
“We has this conversation already. I don’t want-”  
“If you finger me anymore, I’m gonna cum.”  
“So?”  
“Wanna cum on your cock.”  
“You can have both,” I slicked up four fingers and shoved them in, quick and dirty. I rubbed at his prostate. “Come on, baby. Cum for me. Nice and easy,”  
He whined, hunching over as he came with a scream of my name. “God,”  
I kissed him, sucking on his tongue. “My baby,”  
He panted against my mouth.  
I pulled my fingers free and wiped them on the sheets. “You’re so pretty when you cum for me,”  
He huffed out a laugh and sucked a mark into my neck.  
Eventually, he took a deep breath and sat himself on my dick.  
My phone rang and I grabbed it. “Hello?”  
Louis made a noise of protest.  
“Did you break his arm?! Without me?!” Niall asked.  
“No, Eleanor broke it.” I smacked Louis’ ass and gave him a look.  
He started to ride me, fucking himself on my cock.  
“Eleanor? How?”  
“Came to the house and shoved him against the wall.”  
“What did you do?”  
“Had the bitch arrested,”  
“On what? The grounds of sleeping with your husband?”  
“On the grounds that she’s a whore who broke into my house, illegally trespassing. And assault. Is that really what you called me about?”  
“No. Simon wants you guys to do a coming out interview. Then he wants you to do a one on one about Louis cheating on you. He wants Louis to do a one on one about being a cheating prick,”  
“Easy, Ni. He’s still my husband.”  
“Yeah, well, when I get asked if I’m happy about it, I won’t lie.”  
“No one is asking you to lie.”  
Louis snapped his fingers in my face. “Pay attention to me.”  
“Make me,” I challenged. “Sorry, Ni. Louis is striving for attention, but I’m gonna make him earn it.” I carded my hand through Louis’ hair.  
He huffed, but started to ride me a little harder.  
“Good, make him suffer.”  
“He’s gotta broken arm, Ni, lay off.”  
“No. If you’re not going to punch him, I am.”  
“I’m not gonna let you punch him. He’s my husband and I love him.” I trailed my eyes down his body.  
“I won’t touch his ass.”  
“You’re damn right you won’t touch his ass, Niall.”  
“Look, I’m just saying. I’d let you fuck me if you dump him.”  
“You would let me fuck you, really?”  
“I would.”  
“What do you think about that, Lou? Niall letting me fuck him.”  
“Over my dead body.” He said, gritting his teeth and fucking himself down hard.  
I clenched my jaw to keep myself quiet and Louis gave me a smirk. “I don’t think you’d look quite as good on my dick, Niall. No offense. You’ve seen him, right? He’s beautiful, petite and lovely.” I watched my husband roll his hips down. “He is a pretty little thing, don’t you think?”  
“He’s very little, except for his ass. And his mouth.”  
“Hey, I heard that.” Louis griped, tweaking my nipple.  
“Jesus Christ,” I hissed. “Ni, I’ll call you later, yeah? I’ve got a lesson to teach.” I hung up and tossed my phone.  
“What lesson is that?”  
I smacked his ass. “You could’ve gotten us both off by now. And yet-”  
“You didn’t say that I could cum.”  
I laughed, sitting up to suck on his tongue. “My good boy,” I slid my hands up his thighs. “My good little twink,”  
“I’m not a twink.”  
“You are. My twink,” I whispered. “My good boy,”  
“Stop talking,” he demanded, his face flushed.  
“Am I getting you all hot and bothered?” I put an arm under his back and flipped us to put him on his back. “I’m gonna let you cum if you tell me that you’re a twink.”  
“You’re gonna let me cum anyway because of how hot it is when I clench down on your cock.”  
I wrapped my hand around the base of his dick and he squirmed.  
“Harry!” He whined.  
I let go and fucked into him, hard and fast. “Say it,”  
“I’m gonna fucking die from sex with you one day.” He grunted.  
I pulled his bottom lip towards me and his voice got higher. “Come on, love.”  
“No, ‘m not.”  
“So you don’t love it when I spread your thighs and make my home here? You don’t love how tiny you are under me? You don’t love it when I fuck you like this?” I fucked in deep and gave my hips a dirty grind.  
“Love it,” he mumbled.  
“My pretty little twink,” I made love bites on his neck.  
“I’m your pretty little twink,”  
I fucked him harder and wrapped my hand around his cock, pulling him off in time with my thrusts.  
Louis squirmed under me, unsure whether or not to push up into my hand or back onto my cock.  
“My good boy,”  
He came with a whine, his back arching obscenely.  
I grunted, cumming in him. “Fuck, fuck,”  
He panted and after a few minutes, I pulled out and got up to grab a wet cloth.  
I cleaned us up and tossed the rag aside.  
“Niall is gonna hate me for the rest of my life for what I did. And I deserve that.” He panted. “How do you find it in you to love me still?”  
“It’s hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. Like when I see the tape or think about it for too long.” I admitted. “It’s really hard to think about what you did. But it’s somehow harder to even think about living without you.”  
“If I could-”  
“You can’t take it back. You can’t make it hurt any less. You can’t go back in time and undo it. You can’t go back and not sleep with her. You can’t.”  
“I would.”  
“Yeah,” I sighed.  
“Do you ever wish that you never loved me?”  
“Do you really want that answer?”  
“I think so,”  
“Yeah, sometimes I wish that it wasn’t me you put the moves on. Sometimes I wish you hadn’t flirted with me. Sometimes I wish that I hadn’t fallen for you. Sometimes I wish I never signed that contact, never let them closet me. Sometimes I wish that Eleanor had never been born. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so pathetic enough to want to die rather than leave you. And then sometimes I just wish we were never famous. Mostly, I just wish you hadn’t slept with her. But that’s not life. That’s not how it works. But we’re married. And I love you. I don’t think what you did warrants throwing away nearly a decade of a relationship. I don’t think I’ve been perfect in our marriage. Most importantly, I don’t want your entire life to be apologizing to me. I don’t want you here if you don’t want to be here. Yeah, I love you. And I want to have sex with you. But I don’t want you to let me use you. I don’t want to play this game. I just want our marriage to be better. It’s not about bullshit. It’s not about mistakes. It’s about fixing and making things better. Tell me now if you don’t want to be here. Because if you don’t want to be here, you will cheat on me again and I can’t handle that. I’d rather get a divorce.”  
“I want to be here. I made a mistake. But I want you. I want to be with you.”  
“Okay, so stop looking at me like I’m going to drop dead.”  
“I’m trying.”  
“While you’re at it, let Niall be mad. He’s upset. For now. He’ll get over it. Give him time, you’re going to have to give people time.”  
“Gemma,” he frowned. “Gemma is gonna be the hardest.”  
“I am her baby brother.” I reminded him. “Niall is my best friend,”  
“You’re the youngest of us. We were all supposed to take care of you. I royally fucked that up,”  
“I think we should do therapy.”  
“We’re doing therapy.”  
“No, we’re doing couples therapy. I mean we should do therapy solo. I clearly have dependency issues. You...I don’t know what you have. You haven’t let me inside your head since...”  
“It’s been a while. Not because I didn’t want to. You had a hard time with the last tour we were on. I know that. I didn’t want to add to that. There was a lot thrown at you, online and I couldn’t block people fast enough. I know you saw it.”  
“Yeah, well, that’s what I get for the long hair.”  
“You deserve better.”  
“So? Lots of people deserve better. I’m lucky to be where I am.”  
He sat up. “You’re allowed to be upset about the things that happen to you. Aren’t you angry about getting closeted? Doesn’t it bother you what people say? You act like nothing is wrong. Get pissed.”  
“Why? What good does that do me?”  
“Harry, come on.”  
“No, no, think about it. Why do I need to waste my energy being mad? If I can’t change it, I just let it go. I don’t have extra energy to waste on being miserable. I have too much to do. I’m too blessed with what I have. I’m so lucky to have what I have. There’s no point in getting angry when things are out of my control.”  
“How do you even love me?”  
“What?”  
“How do you love me? My entire personality is made up of things that bother you in other people.”  
I snorted.  
“Harry, I’m serious.” He huffed.  
“You know, some of the fans put two and two together. They know we met at the concert way back when. The Script. They know that we met in the bathroom there. I bumped into you in the bathroom. We met and something clicked.”  
“I saw you and I told you that I knew you’d be famous one day. And I knew I wanted you.”  
“You decided I was yours and I was helpless to stop it. You had me the second you said hi,”  
He snorted. “Made you chase me anyway, wanted to make sure I really had you.”  
“As if you ever thought otherwise.”  
“You were into girls with huge tits for a while there. Wasn’t sure you were gay. I just had to make sure that you could handle having ass and not vagina.”  
“Oh, whatever. You know damn well I have literally never looked at anyone the way I have looked at you. The way I do look at you.”  
“Do you remember when we were in the X Factor house? When you whispered that you love me for me first time? Do you remember when I let you finger me for the first time? Everyone was downstairs and we had to try so hard to be quiet. I had to try so hard to be quiet. You were nervous and your hands shook and you were scared to hurt me? And then after the first time, all you wanted to do was put your fingers in me? Whenever I had you alone.”  
“Do you remember when I licked you out for the first time? I had to beg you to let me. And then you wanted it all the time.” I asked, looking at him.  
“Do you remember when I told you that I wanted you to fuck me bare? When I said I wanted to feel you cum inside me? When we did it like that for the first time?”  
“Do you remember Dallas?”  
“When I tied you to the bed, sucked you off, and then rode you to oblivion? You were so fucking wrecked.”  
“How about when I kept you on your hands and knees for hours?”  
“How about the birthday that Grimmy got you a stripper?” He asked. “I told him to have you long enough for me to get ready. You remember what I came home to?”  
“You were in panties. Had a cock ring on and a plug in.”  
“It was one of your fantasies that you confessed when you were plastered one night. I figured it was birthday worthy.”  
“It was.”  
“Is that something you’d want again?” He asked. “I know I said I’d only do it for super special occasions, but...I’m willing to change my mind if that’s something that you’d want.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yeah, I want the intensity of our relationship to be in our sex life. And I want that part back. I think that is a good place to be, for our sex life. I know that this is a hard thing for you. And I’ve made it hard. I get that. But I want you to know that I’m all in. And I think that we can make it. I love you. And I think that you’re right. We should be in therapy. Separately. And together.”  
“Okay,”  
“How long do you think before Niall punches me?”  
“Probably not long.”  
“If you want a shot at me, I understand.”  
“I don’t. I want the past to be the past.”  
“Alright, I’m gonna work on that.”  
I laughed. “You’re too stubborn, but I’ll appreciate the effort.”


	4. Chapter 4

Louis’ POV

“So what’s the plan here?”  
“Nothing is off limits. We’re just gonna twist the truth. Management suggested we be closeted. We agreed.” Harry fixed my shirt.  
“That’s bullshit.”  
“Yeah, well, they still own us.” He shrugged. “Ni, come on,”  
“I’m right here,” he appeared out of thin air.  
“Nialler,” I greeted.  
“Yeah, no, you shouldn’t call me that.”  
“Ni, we talked about this.”  
“Yeah, and I’m not playing the game. I’m not. I’m not lying for him. I’m not doing any of this for him. I’m not on his side.”  
“I don’t have a side,”  
Niall glared at me for a second before holding up a flask. “You want a sip? Just a sip, Hazza.”  
Harry hummed and took a swig. “Thanks,”  
“My offer still stands,” Niall smirked.  
“Careful, Ni. Someone might think you want me to fuck you.” Harry teased.  
“Better me than him.”  
“Hey.” I hissed.  
“Hazza, I’m just saying. I’d let you. Until you got your shit together. At least you can trust me,”  
“Ni,” he sighed. “Leave it,”  
“Louis,” Zayn called.  
I turned to look at him. “What?”  
“She really broke your arm?”  
“No, Zayn. The cast is for fun.” I muttered.  
“What’s got you all bothered?” He raised an eyebrow.  
“Do you care? Doesn’t everyone hate me now? Isn’t that the new thing? Everyone hates me.”  
“I don’t hate you. I just don’t agree with what you did. I’m not on your side, despite what Simon is having me say.”  
“I don’t have a side. I fucked up. I know that.”  
“Good. Now tell me what’s crawled up your ass and died before we do these interviews. You’re supposed to be remorseful and ridiculously sappy.”  
“Niall wants me dead. Wants Harry to divorce me.”  
“He’s Harry’s best friend.”  
“I’m Harry’s best friend,” I argued.  
“No, you’re not. And you haven’t been for a while now. Probably since you started sleeping with Eleanor. You pulled away from him and he got closer with Niall. They’ve always been close.”  
“Okay, well, he doesn’t have to offer for Harry to fuck him if he leaves me.”  
“Niall is looking out for his best friend. You can’t blame him for that.”  
“Watch me.”  
“You can’t, Louis. You don’t have the right.”  
I huffed. “Okay, well he could not do it in front of me. You know? Like Harry chose to stay with me. I didn’t make him.”  
“Do you really blame Niall for thinking that Harry should leave you? You slept with her for a year, Louis. And you put a wall up between you and your husband. He didn’t know you were seeing someone else, but he knew something was wrong. You wouldn’t talk to him so he ran to Niall.”  
“I would’ve thought he’d run to Liam.”  
“Really? Because I doubt it. Liam and I have been inseparable since we got together and he probably thought it would hurt to watch us be together.”  
“Wait, wait, wait. You guys are together?! I thought you were casually shagging.”  
“You were here, physically, but you missed a lot. There’s a lot that has changed. Harry and Niall, me and Liam. Niall came out as bi,”  
“What?! When?!”  
“Forever ago,”  
“I was here. How did I miss that?”  
“Because you were too wrapped up in your affair.”  
“What else did I miss?”  
“I don’t know, Louis. I’m not going to recount the past year for you right now.” His gaze fell past me. “That’s different,”  
I turned to see Niall and Harry very, very close to one another. “They’re not gonna...”  
Niall surged forward and kissed Harry. On the mouth. With tongue.  
I squawked and moved to go over there, but Liam grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. “Liam!”  
“Karma is a bitch,” He muttered, letting me go when they broke apart.  
Niall said something and Harry threw his head back with a laugh.  
“I dunno, I’d give you a solid eight out of ten.”  
“An eight? That’s rude, Hazza. I deserve a twelve,”  
“Out of twenty?”  
“Harry!”  
The two cackled and almost fell over laughing.  
“What the fuck,” I hissed.  
“Oh relax, we’ve all kissed Niall at this point. Except you,” Liam snorted.  
“What?!”  
“We were drunk one time and Niall confessed that maybe he wasn’t straight, but he wasn’t sure. So we all snogged him one by one.”  
“That’s-”  
“Don’t call it cheating. It’s not nearly the same. Plus Harry told you about it and you waved it off.”  
“What?! I don’t remember this.”  
“You were on your phone and Harry told you what happened. He asked if it was okay that he teach him to snog boys and you said to him ‘you can snog Niall as much as you want. I literally couldn’t give a shit less’. I only remember because Harry cried for an hour.”  
“Why the hell is he still married to me?!”  
“Because his heart is pure gold.”  
I groaned and tugged on my own hair.  
“Lou is gonna have a fit if you keep fucking up her work.” Harry scolded.  
“You snog Niall.” I blurted.  
He raised an eyebrow. “Not really. I mean, I did just now. But you told me I could teach him to snog boys. You said you couldn’t give a shit less.”  
“I didn’t even know Niall was bi.”  
“I came out ages ago.” Niall raised an eyebrow.  
“I’ve been a twat for a year and no one told me.”  
“That’s not true. Harry confronted you once and you told him to just fuck off.” Niall supplied. “I think you also said ‘who the fuck are you to tell me that I’m different’ and then he said that he’s your husband and that he loves you.”  
“And what did I say?”  
“You said ‘not according to Daily Mail’ and walked away.”  
“Jesus,” I put my head in my hands. “What the fuck. God, I’m gonna puke. I’m the cracks in our marriage. How did you not cheat on me?! I was awful.”  
Harry rolled his eyes. “Because I married you. For the good, the bad, and the ugly. I just figured management was up your ass. You didn’t want me to push so I didn’t.”  
“Yeah, but you could’ve left me. Forever ago. You should have.”  
“It wasn’t a terrible year. Sometimes you were still my Lou.”  
I pulled his mouth to mine, sucking his tongue into my mouth and pulling him closer to me.  
“Woah, easy,” Harry snorted.  
“Isn’t sex what got you into this mess?” Niall muttered.  
I stepped back a little.  
“Alright, so is everyone ready?”  
“Wait,” I held up a hand. “Wait, Zayn and Liam should be on Harry’s side. No one should be on my side. We need to change this plan.”  
“Louis, just do your interview, yeah?”  
“Yeah, alright. I’ll do my hair and makeup. We’ll go then,” I nodded. “H, you want to come? Lux prefers when you’re with me.”  
“Yeah, sure.”

~~~  
Harry’s POV

I sat just out of sight for Louis’ interview.  
“Are you sure you should watch this?” Niall asked.  
“I have to.” I frowned, chewing on my lip.  
“Harry, you don’t have to. Not live,”  
”We’re here with Louis Tomlinson from One Direction. Hi, Louis,”  
“Hello,”  
“The band took a sudden and very recent hiatus. Can you shed some light on that?”  
“Yeah, I would very much like to. First things first, we took the hiatus because we needed to. It’s what’s best for us. It’s a hiatus that we took for personal reasons. It doesn’t mean the band is over. Quite the contrary, actually. None of us have discussed splitting up the band. I want to get that out, right now.”  
“Alright, understood. We’re all very glad to hear that. Is it true that a sex tape of yours was released?”  
“Uh, yeah, unfortunately. It was.”  
“And that was with your girlfriend, Eleanor, right?”  
“Ex-girlfriend. We’re not so friendly now,”  
“Oh?”  
“Well, there are a few things I need to get out there before we can get into that.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like the fact that Eleanor was a beard for a very long time. A lot of the fans won’t be surprised to learn that Harry and I have been together since 2010. We did, in fact, get married, I know the fans figured that out as well.”  
“So the sex tape was evidence of your affair.”  
“Yeah, it was evidence of the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”  
“How long was the affair?”  
“A year, almost,”  
“A year? Wow, so the sex tape was someone outing the affair to your husband. To the world.”  
“To the world, yes. To Harry, no. He caught us.”  
“Oh,”  
“So the overdose was-”  
“I can’t speak to that. It’s not my place. That’s Harry’s story to tell if he chooses to tell it.”  
“So he caught you.”  
“Yeah,”  
“So the hiatus is for the divorce.”  
“No, surprisingly.”  
“You’re staying married?!”  
“Yeah, we are. We’re in couples therapy and we’re going to do therapy solo as well.”  
“He’s staying? With you?”  
“Yeah,”  
“Your husband is a saint.”  
“You have no idea.”  
“So the boys. Where to the fall?”  
“There are no sides to pick because I don’t have a side. I don’t get a side. What I did was...awful and stupid and reckless. And Harry deserves better.”  
“And Eleanor?”  
“Out of the picture. And arrested,”  
“Arrested?”  
“She broke into our house and broke me arm!”  
“She broke your arm?”  
“She’s stronger than she looks,”  
“No offense, but you seem to be getting off pretty easy. If my husband cheated on me,” she gave a laugh. “Mike, just don’t.”  
“I found the love of my life at eighteen. Do you know how rare that is? We were closeted because it was what we thought would keep us safe. But it became frustrating to not hold his hand in public and to have to spend my time with Eleanor instead. I was drunk when it happened the first time. I was...drunk a lot when Harry and I were separated. I’m plastered in that tape. I made a lot of drunken mistakes that led to conscious mistakes. And it was a massive mistake that I made. I know that if I wasn’t an idiot, I never would’ve made this mistake. I was frustrated and got drunk. That doesn’t solve anything. I should’ve talked to him. I should’ve opened my stupid mouth. He’s my husband and I love him.”  
“Then why cheat?”  
“Because I’m an idiot.”  
“You do know that this interview is going to make you one of the most hated men in the business, right?”  
“I don’t expect any less. The lads hate me, okay, well, Niall definitely hates me. Zayn and Liam are probably on their way there. Harry is the one who matters. He’s always been the one who matters. And he, for some reason, still wants me. Still loves me. Despite everything. And I don’t deserve that. But I’m gonna do whatever I can to deserve it. I should’ve been giving him everything from the beginning. I’m definitely going to give him everything now. I should’ve been doing it before and I didn’t. God, I just...” He shook his head. “Somewhere along the line, I took him for granted. And I think I regret that the most. I had everything in the palm of my hand. And it almost slipped through my fingers. Harry almost slipped through my fingers.”  
“I shouldn’t be here.” I got up and walked off the set.  
Niall caught up with me easily. “Hey, are you okay?”  
“No, I’m not okay. You realize that when people see this, they’ll know how fucking pathetic I am?!”  
“You’re not pathetic. Don’t say that.”  
“What am I, then?”  
“You’re someone who was hurt and you went through a rough patch. That doesn’t make you pathetic.”  
“Yeah, it fucking does.”  
Niall smacked me.  
“Ow! What the fuck.”  
“Stop saying that you’re pathetic.” He pointed to me. “Don’t make me shove my tongue down your throat again.”  
“My marriage is a joke.” I put my head in my hands.  
“It’s not a joke.”  
“I’m a joke.”  
“You’re not.”  
“Louis is going to sleep with someone else, isn’t he?”  
“No. Because I’ll murder him. And he won’t. He wants you. He’s going public as the bad guy. Why would he do that if he wasn’t in it for you? This is for you. Come on, Harry. You don’t have to do this. Say the word and we’ll pull it. But you said that you want this. You want him.”  
“I don’t know.”  
“If you do, take it, Harry. Just take it. Take him. This is your life and it’s your God Damn pixie husband. Take what you did, take what happened and turn it around. Show the fans that even if they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, it’s there. Take your story. Take your life. Take it back. You are not weak because you overdosed. You are only weak if you let it define you. But don’t stay because of how married you were. Don’t. Don’t stay because he used to make you happy.”  
“But-”  
“What would you say to a fan?”  
“What?”  
“A fan. What would you say if a fan came up to you and told you that he or she got cheated on by their husband of almost a decade? That they tried to kill themselves? That it didn’t work? How they would rather die than ask for a divorce? What would you tell that fan?”  
“I don’t-”  
“Yes, you do. You’d tell that fan that they are alive for a reason. You’d tell them that you’re so glad that they weren’t successful because they deserve a full, long, good life.”  
I shook my head. “It’s not that easy.”  
“Yes, it is.” I shook him by the shoulders. “I am so God damn happy that you’re alive, Harry. I’m so glad. You deserve good things. And you went through something that I’ll never understand, but if anyone can make it through this it’s you. It’s Harry fucking Styles with his heart of pure gold.”  
“This isn’t how I thought my story would go.”  
“So?! Rewrite the story. It’s your story. You get to spin it however you want. Louis told the interviewer that what happened to you is a story he can’t tell. He’s right. It’s your life. It was your choice. And now you have to choose.”  
“I’m getting the most poetic life advice from a man who I’ve seen run into glass doors.” I laughed.  
“What you’re doing is ruining all of Lou’s hard work. She’s gonna be right pissed she has to redo your face.”  
“What? I haven’t done a thing.”  
“Harry, you’re crying.”  
“What?! Since when?!” I wiped my eyes and sure enough. “What the fuck,”  
”Come on, let’s have a sit,” Niall guided me to sit on the couch. “You can do whatever you want, Harry. We can pull the plug right now. We can stop this.”  
“Ni, that’s a decade almost. We’ve been together a decade. Am I supposed to throw that away?”  
“I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you that because it’s not my marriage. It’s not my life. But if this is not going to make you happy, you shouldn’t do it. If you’re going to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life, you shouldn’t do this. If you decide to leave, I don’t think that counts as you throwing away your marriage. I think that counts as you choosing yourself for once. You get to make the choice, Harry. Just you.”  
“If I left...Niall, I don’t know who I am without him.”  
“If you left, we’d find out. You could stay with me and just figure out what it’s like to be you, just you. Or you can keep things like this. I won’t fight you if you’re certain of what you want, but just don’t choose what you think you should choose. Choose what is best for you.”  
“But the band. Our marriage. The near decade,”  
“Stop making decisions based on what other people want. For the first time in a really long time, you have freedom. You can do whatever is best for you.”  
“For me,” I whispered.  
“For you,”  
“I need to talk to him. I have to.”  
“You don’t owe him answers, Harry. Either way, you don’t owe him anything.”  
My phone went off with an alert. Eleanor Caulder, girlfriend of boy bander Louis Tomlinson, pregnant. “Oh, good. More things for me to fucking deal with.”

~~~  
Niall’s POV

Louis came off the set and grabbed a water before running around. “Niall, where’s Haz gotten off to?”  
“He’s gone,”  
“To the interview? Already? I didn’t pass him on my way back.”  
“No, Louis. He’s gone. As in watching you do that interview made him realize that if he stays, he will constantly look over his shoulder. He couldn’t stay.”  
“What?! No, that’s...where is he?”  
“He told me not to tell you. Because he loves you, even after all this. And he said that leaving you is the hardest thing he’s ever done. But you haven’t been his Louis in a really long time. He wanted to try. He did, but he decided that he couldn’t do it.”  
He blinked, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “I need to call him.”  
“No, you don’t. He’s changing his number, probably now. He doesn’t want to talk to you, at least not now.”  
“Is he alone?! You let him leave alone?”  
“Of course not. Liam is with him.”  
“He called me! Ha. I knew you were full of shit, Horan. You really had me going.” He played the voicemail on speaker.  
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you in person, but I can’t do this anymore. I should’ve known it wouldn’t work, not after a year-long affair. It was never going to work. I was clinging to something I lost a long time ago. I was clinging to the boy I fell in love with on the X Factor. Life happened and I should’ve never tried to give us a second chance. I should’ve never let us have sex. I’m sorry that I led you on. I just...I loved you so much. And this is just too much for me. Congrats on the baby, though. I’m sure you’ll make an amazing father. I think that in another world, we would’ve worked and we would’ve been happy. We would’ve had kids together. But I have to do what’s best for me. And that means I have to leave, even if it’s the hardest thing I have ever done. I’m leaving and I’m not looking back. Niall and Gemma will get my stuff from the house. I’m changing my phone number and Simon is going to let me out of my contact, under a few conditions. Good luck and congrats again.”  
Louis looked at me. “What is he talking about?! What baby?!”  
“Eleanor is pregnant,” I answered. “I don’t know how this story ends for you. I’m not sure how this story ends for the band, but Harry has to do what’s best for him. And for once, he’s actually trying to do that.”  
When I got home, I found Harry wrapped in a blanket like a burrito on my couch.  
“Hey,” I sat next to him. “How are you doing?”  
“I’m a burrito. Burritos don’t have feelings.”  
“Okay?”  
“Tomorrow or maybe the day after, I’ll start to rebuild. But right now, I think I just need you to let me be a burrito.”  
“Sure. Would you like some company? I mean, burritos usually come in pairs,”  
“Or trios,” Liam answered, dragging more blankets to the couch. “It’s burrito time for all of us.”  
“I have to call a lawyer. I have to file for divorce.”  
“Burritos don’t worry about things. We can worry about that later.” I shook my head.  
“I left my Lou,”  
“He wasn’t your Lou, Harry. He hadn’t been for a while. You know that. You were in love with a memory.”  
“Can you guys...do something for me?”  
“Anything,”

~~~

I tied Harry's hair back into a ponytail. “Lou is gonna shit her pants.”  
“Call her tomorrow to come to fix it. I just...”  
“To new beginnings?” Liam prompted.  
“To new beginnings,” Harry agreed. “Do it,”  
I cut through the ponytail. “Cheers to that, mate. A new hairstyle is a good place to start.”  
He gave me a face I didn’t understand and then played ‘Hair’ by Little Mix through my sound system.  
I laughed ruffling his hair. “You’re gonna be just fine, Harry.”  
"You think?"  
"Yeah, but right now you look like a mushroom, so I'm calling her." Liam laughed.  
"Oi! I do not."  
"You do, but it's alright. We'll fix it."


End file.
